MY LIFE * MY WAY???

Hmm...nope! it's not gonna be that way. I mean..my life....

I am looking down at myself now. I really dunno what happened. Maybe, I know..but...duno how to get back the lost me.

Anyway, today was an awful day to me. I know that am gonna fail that subject as I have insufficient time to complete the whole paper, plus, I only did half of the marks. If I passed, I'm gonna be superb as it means that all the answers are correct. I think I'm gonna be so lucky though.

One thing, if I failed, nvm. At least I've prepared for it since after the exam. I know how bad I did. But, the big deal was....I couldn't wake up in the morning and my bf has been calling me the whole one and a half hour just to wake me up because, imagine how awful when my phone was shutted down and that, my alarms were not ring yet I couldn't received his calls within that period!!! SHIT!!! Fortunately, he was smart that he called my cousin and asked her to wake me up. I must really really thank my lovely one, the "angel"; luckily he called, really! Otherwise, am gonna skipped the exam and repeat the subject again.

However, although I feel thankful to him, but...I am really really guilty that he couldn't be well-focused on his revision. Haihz.....I am really really SORRY!!! He told me that he did it badly then. Haihz........So sad that this kind of things happened on the day of my examination. How awful and stupid I AM!!! Haihz.....

After further advance diploma...my heart never feel better because it really gets me down. I am lost and sad because of the negative forces and environment. I really miss u guys, ALL MY DEAR FRIENDS....my H10...and all my best friends whom I know since my diploma.

Well...although this is a really awful day to me but at least, my sister adds a little sweets within my sad day. She encourages me alot alot and alot! Last time, I used to think that I shouldn't have tell my hardship to my sis as this is my own matter, but..although I seldom talk abt myself, but she can understand me. Yeah! I am stupid! But, at least, I'm the best in her heart. I was teary though. At least, she can see myself in the darkness. At least, I feel better and comfort when she encourages me. Just....maybe I am too depress now...

I do think about giving up...As...It's too hard for me, I think...I know I can do it, but...the supports and courages are now getting lost...where are all my friends....family......and the energetic soul of mine...............? How can I get it back all? Can I?

I just miss.....my own home. The very beginning of my life.....although a little bitter but it's sweet.

Papa.......Mama......Kaka......Me......................................

Miserable.........

Is it what I see is diff from others?

Is it what I think is diff form others?

Is it what I do is diff from others as well?

I'm so miserable, confused and starting to feel like....it's such an ironical for me....

what I have now, felt like it's not belong to me.

What I'm seeing now, is not what I need...

What's within my ability now, I do not knowledge about it..

What I am wishing now, is to unite my mind, soul and react over it. I seems lost. I do not know what's ahead for me. I do not know how to react and make use of all the abilities that I have. Bcoz' I can't even knowledge what my ability is.

谓：色就是空，空就是色 ； 万物皆是空。

Wish that I could stand tough and find back the lost me.