我什么都不懂。。。

最近真的不懂做什么，重视无精打采，没心读书。。
最重要的是，我的心里很挣扎。。挣扎了很多很多东西。。我真的真的很乱。

我的想法，我的脑子，最近真的很乱，而且还是很混乱的那种。我真的想了很多不该想的东西，行了很多不开心的事情。。

哎。。我就来要崩溃了！最近很有罪恶感。我真的很为难。

不懂啊！气死啦！要死啦！！！>.<

佛法 Buddhist's Knowlege

Just open a new blog..Please support me..and the most important thing is I hope that all of u will get some knowledge that a Buddhist should have.

For those of my friend who is not a Buddhist, you can at least learn something if u read that blog..more understanding what Buddhism is all about. :)

The link is just under My Blog List or here it is, www.lotusinyourheart.blogspot.com..you can link it if u like it.

Thnx ya~

生日真的很快乐。 ：）

I dunno how to explain..the feelings....

is happy!

*****************************************************************
(17/07/2009 ; Friday)

Hmm..remember today, all my coursemates were celebrating Freddrick and My Birthday together..Wao! They kinda surprise me but...I can guess though..haha..coz they were cheating on me..There are 3 things that made me felt more suspicious in them..Haha.

1. Saying dat Ms Vivienne very angry abt me coz i never attend to her class, by Si Bee & Jared. (Actually I got cheated by Ryan..haha..and I was helping him to buy ingredients for his Beach Party together with Sam and Kenneth/Michael, that's y I can't make it to the lecture.)
   
2. But then, Raymond told me dat Ms Vivienne wanted me to go to the lecture hall quickly coz wanna see me to discuss abt the Psrtnership Theme Party proposal..haha..and he kept asking me where am I? Why I never come for the lecture...? :p
3. Then, after I got cheated and frightened by Lovely Frens, Some one who's very close with Me, suddenly just msg me to tell me Happy Birthday..hehe.

Hmm..so funny..hmm..after I got into the lecture hall..the cake was ready and they all sang a birthday song for me, I thought..mana tau, Freddrick's birthday was 2days ealier than mine too..so they celebrate for us together lor..haha. :)

But anyway, I am reli happy coz Ryan told me that Si Bee, Raymond and other coursemates actually forward msg to other ppl and asked to celebrate our birthday..haha..I felt soo touched. :)
Thnx for all the surpsrises and giving me such a special memory to us. :D

~P/s: today is my sis's bday too..wish her all the best and I hope that she can always be happy and cheer up. :) I Love U, My Dear Sis..and Happy Birthday..Sorry dat I can celebrate with U, but I'll make sure that I'll celebrate with U another day ya~.

*******************************************************************
(20/07/2009 ; Monday)
Oooo0oohH..finally, it came to my Birthday! kekeke..Hmm..very happy and feel so excited today because this is gonna be the first Birthday that I celebrate outside without my family members. :p

Anyway, hmm..this is a very special Birthday to me. :)

Firstly, Wei Keong dated me for lunch..however, end up went to Sg. Wang to look for sth dat I need together with Raymond, coz' he wanna do some survey over there. Then, Pui San came to Sg. Wang purposely just to look for me and she gave me a piece of choco cake and gift. :)

Well..too rush for the day and I promised that my Darling that I'll be in his home before certain time..hmm..sorry Wei Keong that i couldn't make it to have lunch with u.. :p Forgive..and I know for sure, U will! Keke..

Hmm..but u reli surprise me ya..haha..came out with the present suddenly..hmm..Although I told U that I dun reli like that kind of gift..but dunno why, when I touched it and Look at it, I feel so Warm. :) So, I'll start to Love this kind of gift and will appreciate it. :D coz' U're my Best Friend ma! Haha..but I din expect that U'll get a car to drive me for lunch wor.. :p
(I really felt touched of ur present, especially the meaningful card. :) dun worry, We'll be the best fren to each other, even in the future geh. :D )

Then, after I reached My Darling's home, hmm..what I can't imagine is...., Ah Heng COOK??? Haha..hmm..never tried before seriously..and I told Ah He gonna cook geh, mana tau just helping u up only? Hmm..but anyway, haha! The dishes came out with a good presentation and it look delicious..haha..hmm..but it's true, I like it, although the prawn's source is a bit spicy, but I reli like it. :)

What I like the most is.....My Darling cooked me my favourite soup!! Haha..So Nice! I really like it la..!! Hmm..Thnx for preparing all these for me, My Lovely Darling..and I'm willing to drink your soups for the future though. *,*

My Dearest Darling, Thnx for the dinner (as to your lovely housemates too), plus the Birthday Cake, and the Best present too! :D

I know U've been tired for the whole day, never sleep well, woke up early and some more cook soup and dish for me once u came back..I Love U So Much! Thnx for the sacrifices. :)

Anyway, I reli like the present, and it's very meaningful too..I really really Love it. :)
MuarksSsSSsssssS!

Lastly, Minli..I like your present very much too..thnx for being so observant and understanding abt what I need yet things that I never thought of. :D I'll use it and slowly become leng leng geh. :D

**********************************************************************
(22/07/2009 ; Tuesday)

Hmm..anyway, today, I reli feel a bit moody..Even though I got a new laptop fm my cousin and uncle, and my family sang me a bday song with cake but bcoz of sth happened and I really dunno what to do..

hmm..sorry..sorry to the both of u..You both are my VIP le..that's y I din noe wat to do..Please forgive me if I say anything wrong, that's my mistakes, baby; I'm so sorry that I've made u upset, my dear.

Both of u..., I'm sorry..I reli have no idea of how wat shall I say and wat shall I do to make u both feel better. I'm reli....... :( I dunno!

Anyway, I reli hope that both of won't be angry of me anymore k..coz' I know u both are very sad..I'm so sorry..but I LOVE U BOTH!

Hope things can be solve as soon as possible.

P/s: Anyway, hahaha..I got a new laptop for my bday present le..keke..so good..feel so happy that I have my own one..Thnx ya, cousin and uncle! :) I reli felt dat I'm one of the most happiness person in the world! Haha..no matter how hard is my life now or in the future, I'll stil tahan geh! Haha..Love those who Love me and Pamper ME. :)

***************************************************************************

Once again, Thank You for All of U!!! :D

好朋友。。。

嗯。。

其实，我一直以来，真得不懂我在你的醒目中占有哪个位置的。

今天，你突然间给我个部落个网站，我。。真的很好奇，也很很想看看你会写些什么。。

最重要的是，你会否把你最近的情况给写下去。。

我，

真的真的。。

非常非常的。。。

很开心！！！

哈哈。。因为，我一直都不去问你可是又很想懂得答案。。

终于。。

在你的部落格哪儿找到了。。

你懂吗。。我很感触。。很感激。。很感慨。。也很感动。。。。

哈哈。。不懂现在该写什么好呢。。 :p

只想，你以后都能好好的照顾自己。。好好休息。。尤其是精神上的休息。。因为，身边会有很多人关心你，即为你心疼。 :)

我很想说，你也是我的好朋友！ :)

（其实，我很想懂咯。。什么是粉红知己？ 有我的份吗？？ 哈哈。。 :p ）

Tired....

Hmm..what a tired day today! :(

Today the lecturer talking so much abt research method and has been sitting in the class for more than 4hours..Owhh~ never been so tired like today.

Anyway, I dun feel only physically tired but also mentally tired..haihz..like what si bee said, "that's reli hard if we dun have enough money...". Hmm..At least I better than him, dun need to struggle for the daily expenses..but my school fee? Haihz..I'm so desperate to get the scholarship now..Hope that I'll be selected by the Foundation Scholarship lohr...

Hmm..Yesterday night, I was so happy that the graduation list has been realesed and I went to check it while my happiee faze.. :D

But....I can't see my best friend's name there..plus, most of my classmates' names are not there though there's only 7 of us fm H10 are graduated..Haihz..I never take the trouble to look for them because I dun wana remind them of the unhappy things, but not that I'm not caring for them.

Well~ since I couldn't find my best friend's name there, then, I called her and asked because I wana confirm abt that and I can't believe it. However, She told me that it's true..Hmm..well..a bit disapponted that 4 of us, the 4 best friends, can't graduate together..Anyway, Nvm.. :)
You must be tough, ok? Concentrate and be the best on your work now and spread ur wings to show your colors.

Other than this, she also told me some bad news abt her..Hmm..well~ I really didn't know what to say..and I juz asked her not to be so sad and down. I really dunno what to do abt her bad news coz' that really freaks me out..Hmm..seeing her like this, make me think alot! I know I can't be so 100% in a relationship, though I believe in Love, and I Believe in Him MORE.

Hmm..Today, keep thinking abt the good friend, thinking of how is she? Everything fine? and many many..coz' I know, she's soft-hearted..she cries easily, she's not that tough..

Anyway, I hope that you're fine now..do better in your work, forget abt the bad things and start a new life! Coz' I'll always support you. :)

Loves.

A Special Day

On the Tuesday evening, I have had a special dinner together with my cousin's family and my bf too. Haha..that was a great day for me as not only my bf attend to the dinner but also my cousins' couples are there.

Hmm..well..it's like a family dinner and we all had a meeting to each other in a Bali style restaurant called Bora Asmara. Thats a nice place with chill ambiance and that we had a good chatting time there.

Holding his hands, walking to the place..so nice and so calm. I really LOVE the feelings of walking with u and hand in hand. :)

I Love U.

Didn't know why..I have did something that I shouldn't do. :p
Haha..that's why..I appologize here..I'm Sorry, My Honey!!!

I dunno wat to say..but hope that u'll forgive me and I know u will. :D

Anyway, you really really made me happy that day. Because of your appearance on that night, makes me sure that you are the one. That is because, I know that you're busy with your things and you do have alot of works to do. *touched*

I really really Love You.

MuarksSs!

I am really really proud of you. Really PROUD! I can't believe that I can get this kind of good boyfriend.

That's why I am saying...

I AM LUCKY!

Hahahahahhaha....! :D

Don't Berlagak ahr! Haha!

Remember the Place, Remember the People. That's a Precious Memory for me that between You & Me~ <3

* The Live Entertaining Band *

无言....

有时候，我真得不懂我应该再做些什么了。。

有时候很累。。很像一个人静静地去想。。

我一直以来所做的，所关心的，所体谅的，都有人去在乎吗？是看得见吗？

嗨。。。。。。

还以为当初所计划的，可以开开心心的去实行。。

可是现在呢？ 大家都有自己的理由去拒绝，去打破我的计划。。

当初计划的时候，一时引起轰动。。全部热情汹涌地在讨论着。。

现在计划好了，全部都静下来了。。那又怎样？！那时你的问题啊。。。

好了。。

那就随你们吧！！！

本来我有其他plan的，好让每一个人都可以去的地方。。

可是现在想一想。。。会不会太多余了呢？

会有人珍惜的吗？会赏脸的吗？

还是你们随心所欲吧。。。有plan在叫我吧！

因为我已经很累了!

也很 FAD UP 了！！！

Industrial Training..

Before I go for it, I was so excited over it..

But after that..? Hmm..nah...I hate it 10,0000 times!!

Well..people..wats people? How do people live..?

Is it to cheat, betray, act like innocent, or maybe 2 faces to achieve your goals then only can be saying as human?

Maybe I'm not smart enough or maybe I just dun understand P-E-O-P-L-E and never interested in studying HUMAN.

I'm sad..

I'm disappointed..

I'm mentally tortured..

by the people around me.

I never even thought of they're acting and 2faces.
I never thought of their real faces are terrible like this!!

Hmm..maybe I should be tougher to face this kind of people..otherwise, how m i gonna stand in this line..right?

I LOVE YOU, HELWEN.

After all the things happened in the past 2months, I realized that the one that I really really love...

is him....

If u ask me how much do I love him, I really dunno how to describe it..

But if u ask me how long would I keep this feelings..
I'll say...as long as I can or I'm still alive..

I can't think of another way to express my feelings other than writing blog now..

Coz' of this far distance,
I learn alot..
Coz' of this far distance,
I can see who's the one who really really love me..
Coz' of this far distance,
I can feel how much he loves me and wanted to protect me..
Coz' of this far distance,
I can deeply feel his heart and soul..
Coz' of this far distance,
I finally understand, the one that I've been looking for is just around me all the time..

I..finally...found YOU..!

It's you! My DARLING...

I really really Love YOU.

I'll appreciate you very very much for the rest of my life.

No Matter What, I'll Keep You With Me As Long As I Can..

I'll Never Give You Up, I'll Never Let You Go Anymore.

I Love You, My Precious Honey.

H 10

Looking back to the past 2 years..all the memories which happened in the college..suddenly..i feel kinda sad and happy at the same time.

Well..I'm really really glad to have them in my life..My jimui and brothers..
I'm so grateful that we are in the same class for one and a half year..

Looking at the pictures that we took together..

Thinking of all the happiness, sadness, angriness, or even disappointment that we have went through..at this moment, I'm smilling with tears in my eyes..

There's no way i can describe this...

F-R-I-E-N-D-S

H10..

I'll never forget about H10..

I'll never forget what we've went through together, things and problems that we have shared together, helping each other and so many things that I need to say...Hmm..there's something that I need to say to all of u here. :)

Pui San
Hmm..I remember the first I met u in the class, you were with ur spec and poney tail..haha..hmm..and..look very young but now, u look more mature and a bit stylish..haha..well~ I can see the changes on you and myself too..and you're the first one that I know in H10 le..haha..then mei wen and mei yuan, vriesia and after that is jc if I'm not mistaken..haha..hmm..well..just wana tell you that you must jia you and wish you all the best..haha..especially alwin, he's a good guy..appreciate him k.. :)

Jeccy
You are always the most optimistic one..no matter what happened on you also won't emo in front of us one..hmm..really "Geng"! Your EQ really damn high..I really wish that I could have high EQ like you.. :) Hmm..another thing, your observation damn geng la..haha..and you know many thing about other people by observing them one..SO "Geng"! Haha..Anyway, I wish you all the best too..If got any "lobang" please contact me ar..haha :p Anyway, come back to KL and gather before you go Sing. ok.. :)

Vriesia
You punk! Really punky punky and always in either balck or white and sometimes blue..Actually I quite salute you coz' you really got your own style and thoughts..there's one thing that you must do and must not refuse is Sing K With Us, Buddy! Always ask you to go, sure dun wan one..I dun care ar..nx time must go, k! Hmm..anyway, sometimes see u punky punky and with the sport shoes like that..mana tau the first presentation you wore a very nice high heel shoes! So lady la..I think you should always wear something like that..it makes you look so different, k.. :) anyway, good luck and all the best to you in the training..hmm..well..I'm so jealous that you three can go Club Med together..must be damn fun..haha..must buy souveneir for me ya. :)

Mei Wen
Well~ I feel so wasted that this sem only we are closed to each other..After that day we went shopping together only I know that you are an open-minded girl..haha..coz' you're the most quiet one in the class ma.. :p one thing is, although you're quiet but with a quite good results and you are braver than I thought.. :) Really salute you la..you must come to Sing K with us too, ok? I mean next time, k.. :) Ok la..Wish you all the best..no matter what happened, must protect yourself and don't let other people bully you..another thing is you must be more zhu dong, k.. :)

Sze Wee
Erm..do you know that I always think that you're the most pretty one in H10 when the first time I saw you in the class? Haha..I guess you dunno..haha..Hmm..but a nit cool la..anyway, your skin now getting better..you looked more pretty now.. :) don't berlagak ar..haha..I know u an shuang now..haha..Anyway, keep in touch ok? You can ask me out for Yuen Steamboat next time oso.. :D wish you all the best in training ya..oh yeah..so good that you're in Cameron..so good..can have the pure strawberry ice-cream everyday le..i'm so jealous.. >.< haha..

Cheryn
You know ar..Your reaction very funny la sometimes..and very cute too..haha..dun ask me y..coz I oso dunno y.. :p just feel that you're very cute..haha..hmm..well~ I know there's many things happened on you, but you must be tough to face thise problems..humans are meant to challenge all the problems in their life, so..you must be tough! Although I dunno what happened on you but I can see that you're getting better now..I really wish that you could be like last time..cute and straight.. :) I might not help you but you can share with me though..Ok..wish you all the best ya..must enjoy your training and don't think too much k.. :)

Jun Hao

"Goh~~!" Sorry for spoling your bag! Haha..I really dun mean it and I know you won't mind too..hehe..Thnx for taking care of me in the class..I know you treat me very good..Don't tell me not..! And, thnx for vonlenteer yourself to be my assisstant ya..So I hope that we can keep in touch till you're married..haha.. :p Hmm..There's so many people from Johor la..and dunno y..I feel good being friends with the "Johorians" haha.. :p Ok..Wish you all the best in your training too.. :)

Chu Yee
Hey, JayChu! Haha..you're really a Jay Chou's fan! Even your reaction and the way you talk also like him la..haha..and serious, you're very funny in the way of talking and acting! Haha..hmm..chu yee..I wana thank you too..Other than my ji mui and Jun Hao, You are the one that I'm not afraid to talk to..and thnx for lending me your ears..I suggest you to take counselling, pshychology or courses something like that if you wana change course..coz' you really got the potential la..haha.. :p Dun berlagak, plz.. :D Ok la..wish you all the best and goo luck! :)

Kok Hong
"Ji Mui~!" Haha..Long time never call you like that since after exams.. :D you must jia you la..not only work hard for your career but also "Lui" (not money, it's girls) ! Haha..Remember to inform me if you're getting married! Haha..not young la you..faster kau tim it, k.. :p (don't angry and I know you won't..haha..luaghing rite?) Ok la..Happy to have you as my ji mui coz' you always talk about those "mou lei tao" thingy one..haha..ok la..have fun in your training..All the best! :)

William
You ahr..Must work harder ar..must move on..don't live in the past anymore ok..try hard to get over it, "goh~".. :) I might not feel your pain but I'll support you as always..Ok la..Must enjoy yourself during training..ok? Hehe..I still have to see you during convo day de.. :) All the best ya.

Eng Yew
Hey..you ar..always kacau jc..haha..Chinese mixed English! haha..I can feel that you'll be a good worker in the hotel..coz' you can communicate with all kind of people, express yourself and good in those general knowledges..Next time sure very good one.. :) anyway..wish that you could be a "general manager" nx time la..haha! :p Lastly, all the best to you..wish a to have a happy life with yj la..haha. :)

Xiong Jun
The magician of H10 Entertainment Company..haha! Plus, have another name too --- Bruce Lee! haha..you really looked like him, just that you're the smaller version of him..haha! Anyway, You sre so funny la..especially this semester, I found that you like to eat---siew mai & chw siew bao! Plus, soya drinks..Haha! Actually very fun being with you la..coz' you told me about the congket street uncle who always stab his finger into the kelapa sawit untill his finger also "wai" and just to sell the medicine! Haha..Another one is, the jokes which about the 3business man, kitchen equipment and the pig one..damn funny..till now I stil remember..Haha..Jia you ar..Try to und your gf more..ok..not so "nan gao" one, k..All the best to you la! :)

Chew Wei
Hmpx! Always complaint about the birtday thingy..that day really gave you a birthday surprise le lo..haha..happy ma? Very surprise rite? Haha..You too ar..Must understand you gf more..ok..you must think deeply and understand abt your gf, k..haha..quite funny when you and xiong jun were telling me those thing that day..the reactions damn funny..haha.. :p All the best ya!

Kar Wai
Hmm..I really dunno what to say to you lo..coz' you're so bad that you drew my hair like a ** during the pastry class that day..>.< Sei yeh ar..haha..Nx time I must draw your ugly face oso.. :p anyway..you're a good guy..kinda like family man..very care for your family and gf, I noe..and I like your hair la..very nice..whee you have your hair cutted de? Haha..Ok la..wish you jall the best and jia you..when marry your gf must let me know ya..I'll represent the Lenglui Society to attend it..haha..*joking joking*

Wilson
Hey, Smart Guy! I know that you're gonna study the other course after this diploma..so I wish you all the best ya..haha..another thing is, don't be so shy anymore k..otherwise how to kao lui..haha..ok la..ganbateh neh~ Keep in touch ya..Maybe we can go Yuen Steamboat together with Wee also.. :D haha..Good luck in training k.. :)

Jun Shian
"can jian A******** King!" haha.. :p you're one of the funny guys too..haha..thought that you're a very polite guy and quiet in the class one..mana tau so funny..Even chu yee also put your golden sentences as the personal message! Haha..Ok la..Don't always "fang f** j*" d la, "xiang xiang"..haha..Good Luck and all the best to you ya! :)

Tony
You are the Lord of the H10, you know..haha! Too Smart d..and Wilson too..haha..you both ar..really..terrible! Haha..Ok la, Tony..I wana say tat you're a very good guy coz' always rush to go to the church after the Japanese class..haha..mana tau it's about girl again..haha :p Ok la..Wish that Jesus will bless you and her together and happy ever after..haha (as if like fairy tale) :p Anyway, all the best ya! :)

Haha..Ok..Lastly, do u guys have any suggestion of where to go for our graduate trip? Please leave me a message ya.

I'll miss u guys.. :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hmm..Of course..Other than my beloved classmates..I have to mention about the friends from other classes and courses also..haha.. :)

H2 : u guys reli bad one loh..always say watashi wa kirei jya arimasen!! Hate it!! Haha..but anyway, I had fun with u guys..will never forget about Josh who always help me in my studies, the Bee who always buzz around my ears..haha..tease me and stuff like that..haha.. :p Well..but there's something similar between our class as Ms Vivienne has told that we are so together with our classmates. :)

Sharizan : U! Must keep in touch with me even after u go for industrial training ok?! There'll be definitely not the last "msg" that u sent to me before the training, k..sei yeh..

H6 : Rio..u otak-otak fella..haha..thnx for being nice to me and at the same time, i'll not thank u for teasing me always..haha..although u were just joking.. :D Second fella will be..shengwei..haha..please take care of urself since u were unfortunately kena denggi and u become so THIN now! Cannot Cannot! U must not thinner than me one..so must eat more from now..Rio too..haha..Lai Mun and Elyssa..thnx for helping me in my studies too..haha..and..Lai Mun..the way u speak really funny loh..haha..and u can suddenly came out with the whole meal bread while waiting bus yesterday..haha..

FAU : I am so grateful to participate in this unit that I can do something which I really like..I can help people, treat people and contribute to the society.. :) First, Wei Keong, my best friend..Hmm..I have lots of thing to say to u..really really thnx for caring n treating me so nice..haha..I remember, the first present u gave me was 2007 during the fund raising, and i got 2pairs of earing from u..haha..so glad..and u gave me present on my birtday and christmas too..haha..I'll never forget about that but sorry that I stil owe u birthday present! haha.. :p sorry sorry..haha.. Second, Kong Juin..I know you won't read this blog coz' u didn't know about this though..but yet, I need to say SORRY to u here that I've said words that depressed and pressured u before..I am really really sorry about that..hope you won't mind or angry.. :) Third, OMG..there's so many people that I need to mention..haha..Jing Yi and Darling Li Han..U two are so funny that you always make me laugh..!
Thnx, babes!

SOT : My sot friends fm SOT -- Gorilla, Key, SK, Hexxen, and.... Haha..I'll always miss u guys de..I had a really really fun time together with this group of people! It's like SO funny la..hmm..First, I'll go to Gorilla..I'm very comfortable when talking to you..serious..you know y? haha..only u have seen me crying badly with the ugly face..haha :p and Key..you reli geng! haha..the red apple so hard to kao oso you can get her ar..salute salute! And, thnx for fetching me home before and I'll never forget that you fong me fei gei and made me rush to take LRT that day! Haha..I'll man man xuan zhang with you! >.<

Well~ Thanks to those guys that I've mention, otherwise my college life will be so dull without you. :)

So, let's keep in touch ya.